Showing posts with label missions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label missions. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Heaven Hugs


Recently, I was going through a huge binder full of hundreds of letters I sent home over the course of my LDS mission. The following is an excerpt from a letter dated September 15, 2005:

We had a number of people come to Church on Sunday. One was a very eccentric guy named Dean. Dean is definitely a product of the 60's. He was wearing a baby blue polyester suit and has this wispy hippie beard that makes you think his name should be Valley or Rain. After sacrament meeting, I asked Dean what he thought about the meeting, and we began to talk about God and things of that nature. He began to tell me about a gift God had given him, a gift unique to him alone. Feeling a good mission story coming on, I asked him what that was.

"God has given me," he began, "what I call a Heaven Hug."

"Hm," I said.

At length I asked, "So, what is a Heaven hug?"

"A Heaven hug is what I do when people are having a bad day. I've had men and women tell me that when I give them a hug, no matter how bad they're doing, it makes them feel better. I just put my arms around them, rub their backs a bit, and all their problems just go away."

"Hm," I said. "That's-" I strained for the word, "neat." I tried to make it sound sincere, but I think my attempt fell flat.

He went on, "Now it's not a gross thing or anything. I just give them a hug like you would your own mother, and I give guys a 'guy hug.' You know what a 'guy hug' is, don't you?"

"Yes," I said hastily, trying to avoid what I thought might be coming. It didn't work.

"A guy hug," he said as he rounded the pew and threw his right arm around me and frew me close, "is sort of like this. You know, we're buddies, we're pals. It's not gay or anything. Sometimes I'll do a full-on Heaven Hug with guys, but they're usually more comfortable with this."

Comfortable was pretty far from where I was at the time--but he went on. "Yep, I'm able to just wipe people's cares away. You want an example?"

Being pretty sure that I had just gotten one, I promptly assured him that I didn't have any worries or cares, that I wasn't in need of a Heaven Hug at that point in time, but I'd let him know if I ever did. (It was vaguely similar to when contacts told us they'd give us a call to learn more about the church.)

Dean, though, was insistent. "Well, here, just grab my hand," he said as he clutched at my hand. Totally uncomfortable, I tried to shake his hand like any missionary might. I was desperate to be done with the whole conversation.

"No. Don't shake. Just feel."

So there I was, standing in the middle of the now-empty chapel, grasping hands with a crazy old dude. In the back of my mind I thought, "Wow, I don't think I'll ever sin again if I can just get out of here."

"Do you feel that?" Dean asked.

I replied honestly. "Yep. I feel it." I was feeling something. It just wasn't anything that remotely resembled peace. I dropped my hands promptly into my pockets. No one has a blank check to hold my hands. Ever.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Exchange


I think it's time that I share this experience.

In order to understand the trauma I went through the first night of my LDS mission in Everett, Washington, you need to understand a little about who I was in November of 2003.  At the time, my photo could be found next to the word naive in the dictionary.  I was a hoplessly, happily, unknowingly sheltered innocent from Utah County.  I left for my mission oozing anticipation and excitement, with no real understand of what exactly I was in for.  I was a wide-eyed, idealistic puppy.  Any false pretenses I had held about missions in general were ripped away fairly quickly.  And it all started November 23, 2003.

I was dropped onto Whidbey Island about four in the afternoon.  My companion met me and drove the half hour it took to get to our apartment.  We went do dinner afterward and then proceeded to the Church.  "We're going to bring a third missionary along with us tonight," my companion, Elder Shepard, told me.  "He's going home in about four months, and he's pretty trunky.  We'll bring him along and see if there's anything we can do to help him.  It's also good for his companion to have a break too."

What a good district leader my companion is, I thought happily.

There were a number of missionaries at the ward building when we arrived.  I introduced myself to all of them, and met Elder Hilton.  He was obviously a bit older than the other missionaries, and wore a bored, apathetic expression.  He barely shook my hand at all.  "Hey,"  was all he said.

Oak Harbor, Washington is a navy town.  At any given time, there were at least eight or nine men in the ward out on deployment.  As it was, we were going to be visiting the wife of one of those men.  "Sister Western's really cool," Shepard had told me, "but she tends to start going less-active anytime her husband's away on deployment.  We're going to stop by and show her the new Christmas video."  It was a common visit to provide support to the members struggling with the upcoming holiday they'd spend alone.

The three of us showed up on the Western's doorstep about eight at night.  The entire ride over, Elder Hilton had been whining about how he hated this weather, hated the early dark (it was dark by 4 pm in the winter), and couldn't wait to date again.  My impression of him wasn't glowing.  Sister Western invited us in and we made small talk.  She showed me a picture of she and her husband.  The two made a striking couple.  She was young--probably 22 or 23, and very beautiful.  He was handsome and broad-shouldered, very military.  I looked up from the picture, "It must be tough to have him gone so often," I said.

"I manage to have a lot of fun," she said.

What does that mean?

"Hey, I'm going to make some lemonade before we start the movie. You guys want some?"

We all agreed.

"Great!  Um, Elder Hilton, could you come help me in the kitchen?"

Elder Hilton followed her into the kitchen, with more enthusiasm than I knew he was capable of.  The kitchen of the small apartment was separated from the living room where we sat by a wall that extended roughly two thirds the width of both rooms.  The entertainment center sat against the wall that provided the clearest view into the kitchen.  My companion was fiddling with the DVD player, trying to get it to work.  My initial impulse to never leave another missionary alone--especially with a girl--told me to go help in the kitchen as well.  But my companion didn't seem worried.  And he could see into the kitchen enough that things were probably alright.  So I relaxed.

A minute or so later, Shepard turned to me and asked, "Elder Back, could you go help out in the kitchen?" Glad to help out, I began whistling "Ye Elders of Israel" and strolled into the kitchen.

My whistle didn't last.

The following is a record of the subsequent moment upon entering the kitchen, as seen from the refrigerator's perspective:


I froze.  Time stopped.  I didn't know what to do.  I stayed there for what felt like an eternity, the two of them engaged in their carnal ways, seemingly oblivious to my presence, and me paralyzed in shock.  To that point in my life, I had never seen a couple making out--married, missionary, or otherwise--so it was shocking on multiple levels.  I gathered myself enough to walk out to Elder Shepard.  "They're making out in there!!" I whispered fiercely, almost in a panic.

His eyes widened.  "Just sit down, shut up, we'll handle it later," he said quickly.

Just then the guilty parties came walking quietly back into the room.  They were breathing heavily.

Then we watched "Joy to the World."

The movie droned slowly on in the background.  My mind was racing.  Am I going to have to tell the mission president about this?  Is Elder Hilton going to be sent home?  Are the Westerns going to be divorced?  Am I going to have to testify at some church court or something?!  I was mad at myself for letting them go in there alone.  I was mad at Elder Shepard for not thinking to send me in sooner, or go in himself.  I was enraged at Elder Hilton, who obviously didn't understand what it was like being a missionary.  But the deepest, most seething feelings were reserved for Sister Western, sitting so innocently on the couch.

Her husband probably kisses her picture every night, and the second he leaves, she's defiling missionaries!

When the movie finally ended, she said, "Hey, I want to show you guys something."  She left and came back with some pictures.  "This is me and my husband on our one-year anniversary."  She thrust the pictures under my nose.

"Great," I said, barely managing to cover my anger.  What was she getting at?  Did she see me come into the kitchen?  Is she trying to send some sort of message?  She hesitated briefly and grabbed another book from her room.

"This is me and Keith on our wedding day."  She showed me a collage of the two of them standing in front of the San Diego temple.  My indignation boiled to dangerous levels.  What the crap is she doing? "Nice," I said curtly, barely glancing at them.

"No, Elder Back.  Do you recognize the guy in this picture?"

I glanced at the photos and then at the grinning Elder Hilton--also known as Keith Western.

You know, I think I lost my shell pretty much in that one night.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Blind and Dating


Dating in Utah County is completely unique to anywhere else on Earth. Take, for example, the RM factor. Returned LDS missionaries resume to their home life and schooling not unlike a newborn entering the world. They're all a little shocked about what's going on around them, have wide, unblinking eyes, are almost completely incapable of social communication, and need to be slapped periodically to remind them to breath. At least, it was that way for me. They also return trailing a habit that was indoctrinated and ingrained in them each moment of each missionary day--a complete and utter terror of the opposite sex. Hugging even your own sister is a little weird when you first return. The problem is that to everyone in LDS culture, a RM is a loose cannon. To them, it seems few if any RM's can long survive the traumatic rebirth into real-life if they are single. The longer an RM goes without a girl's hand clasping his own, the more likely he is to jump ship.  Therefore, it becomes the duty of every faithful Latter-day Saint to line RM's up (I think it's in the D&C somewhere.)

I think whoever termed it "lining up" had an execution in mind.  It feels a lot that way sometimes.  Take my first "line up" experience upon returning home.  It may seem long, but bear with me.

“Stuart!  Welcome back!  This is your old home teacher!”

“Brother Martin!  How are you doing?”  I had gotten better at feigning excitement.

“Really well, thanks!  Just wanted to call and welcome you home.  Also, I was wondering, we’re going to be having leftover pie on Sunday night.  Would you like to come help us out with it?  I think it would be good for us to hear some of your mission stories.”

One of the first things I learned upon returning home was a returned missionary is happiest when talking about his mission.   “Absolutely Brother Martin!  I’d love to!”

“Sounds great, Stu.  We’ll plan on you at 7:00”

               

                The following Sunday Brother Martin came up to me in church.  “We still on for tonight?”

                He was a grizzly man with a stout body and firm handshake.  He intimidated me like crazy.

                “Absolutely.  I can’t wait.”

                “Well, we’re excited to have ya.  Oh, by the way, I’m going to have a niece there I want you to meet.”

                My stomach rose and my heart sank.  They met somewhere around the bottom of my lungs.  “Oh, um, ok.  Great.”

                His eyes twinkled.  “See you tonight.”  And he walked away.  Machiavellian punk.

                I told my parents.  They laughed unmercifully.  “Have fun with that, Stu.”  Dad seemed to delight in my discomfort.  I was almost waiting for him to say “it builds character.”  I went down to my room to get ready and saw the little black tag sitting on the dresser.  It had gotten me through some pretty uncomfortable moments.  I couldn’t help it.  I grabbed it and put it in my pocket.

                I showed up on the doorstep.  This time my heart had seemed to migrate to the top of my throat.  I had just spent two years knocking on doors.  Why was my hand so hesitant to touch this one?  I knocked heavily.  It swung open.  “Stu, come on in!”

                I stepped into the Martin living room.  There were couches one two of the walls and a series of plush chairs on the third.  On the left side of the room sat the girl’s family—three younger sisters and austere looking parents.  In the chairs to my right sat the Martin family—Brother and Sister Martin and their begrudging son Kade.  On the couch on the far wall sat a pretty, but nervous girl with blue eyes and long blonde hair flanked on either side by what I immediately deduced were her grandparents, definite progenitors of Brother Martin, powerful, stocky, and rough.

                In the middle of the room, some distance from the fourth wall, sat a single kitchen chair.  It might as well have had a nameplate reserving it for me.  I sat down.  “Sarah, this is Stu.  Stu, Sarah,” Brother Martin said, not without a slight flourish.

                “Good to meet you,” I said as I shook her hand.  It was protocol.  I shook hands.

                “You too,” she said.

                Then there was an awkward silence.  I wasn’t sure what the procedure was here.  Preach My Gospel didn’t cover these situations.  My sudden impulse was to ask someone to pray, but I luckily swallowed it.

                “So,” I asked, feigning comfort, which more likely sounded like desperation, “Um, do you do anything for fun?”

                She handled my question in stride.  “Yeah.  I love tennis and singing.  I also love to read.  How about you?”

                “Hey, I like to read too!  Have you read anything good lately?”

                “I recently just reread Pride and Prejudice again.  It’s my favorite book.”

                “Hey!  I read Austen in high school.”

                “Oh really?  What did you think?” she was excited.  This was going better than I had planned.

                “Wasn’t a big fan, really,” I said, feeling more comfortable.  As the words were coming out of my mouth I realized I was making a dire mistake.  She looked a little affronted, a little crestfallen, and a little annoyed.  I was a little mortified.  I tried to recover. “Well, um, I mean, it’s just that I don’t understand the way girls think all that well.  I didn’t really get it.”

                The smile stayed on Sarah’s face, but her eyes fell distant.  Hushed murmurs of disapproval wafted from the audience.  I had the distinct feeling that Sarah’s passion for tennis had come from her family.  They were quiet spectators quietly watching our volley.  Neither of us was winning either.

                “So, do you have any pets?”  It wasn’t yet 15 minutes in.  I had absolutely no idea what to ask.  She told me about her pet cat at home, but that she wasn’t a big animal person.  “I love animals.”  Crap!  Where’s my filter? The score fell to 30-love, Sarah.

                 25 minutes in: “Have you ever been to Washington?”  I was playing to my strengths with this one.

                “D.C.?  Or Washington state?”

                “State.”

                “I haven’t.  I heard it’s pretty, though.”

                “Oh man, it’s so pretty.  I seriously miss it really bad.”

                “Do you not like Utah at all?”

                “I thought I did until I went there.” That sinking feeling I get when I say something stupid had by this time turned into a sort of dull ache.

                “Oh.  Well I’ll have to try to visit someday.”

                There was an awkward silence.

                40 minutes in: “So what’s your favorite book?”

                At our next awkward silence, I realized in horror that I had been out of anything constructive to say for about 15 minutes.  I had been off my mission for 9 days.  There wasn’t a lot of common ground to cover.  I grasped at the small black tag in my pocket, willing for it to strengthen me.  I suddenly got a flash of inspiration.  I was good with kids!  I was totally comfortable around kids!  I turned to her sister, who couldn’t have been any older than 9.

                “And what was your name?”

                “Jessica,” she said, blushing.

                “Jessica, how old are you?”

                “I’m 8.”

                “8?  So that would put you in 3rd gr. . . “

                A grizzled voice cut me off mid sentence, “Hey, you’re here to talk to her.”  Sarah’s grandpa pointing at Sarah, who was also blushing.  He wanted the tennis match to continue.  The awkward silence that followed was so intense, my tag started to bend in my pocket from my grip.

                Ten minutes later, out of sheer boredom—it certainly wasn’t out of mercy—Sister Martin said, “Well, who would like some pie?”

                I ate my obligatory pumpkin pie, and stumbled out of the house.  Is it any wonder that three years later, I'm still recovering?


"Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway"
-John Wayne